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Scottish Jokes and Humor

Here are some jokes and humor about Scotland and the Scottish people. For example - Jock was once run over by a brewery lorry. It was the first time in his life that the drinks were on him. This is page 1 of 2

The Loch Ness Monster

Did you hear about the motorist on a tour of Scotland who went into a garage and asked them to fit his car with a set of Mull of Kin tyres?

How was the Grand Canyon in America formed. A Scotsman was there on holiday and he dropped a dime.

A little scottish boy ran into his house and breathlessly said to his father, 'Dad, I ran all the way home behind a bus and saved 50 pence.'
His dad replied, 'You could have saved more that that. If you had run home behind a taxi, you could have saved £2.50'

Did you hear about the Scotsman who invited a young woman back to his room to see his etchings?
He sold her three of them.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman went into a bar. The Englishman stood a round of drinks. Next, the Irishman stood a round of drinks. And the Scotsman stood around.

Sandy will never forget the time he spilled a bottle of whisky on the wooden floor of his kitchen. He still has splinters in his mouth.

A Scotsman living in London was always boasting about his native land to his English friends.
One of them asked him. "If it's such a wonderful place, why don't you live in Scotland?"
"Well," he explained, "they were much too clever for me there, but I get on quite well her."

How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Take up a collection.

Yesterday, Sandy McNab was run over by a beer delivery truck. It was the first time for years that the drinks had been on him.

Hamish: "Do you know what's the difference between you and a vending machine?"
Jimmy: "No?"
Hamish: "You can get a drink out of a vending machine."

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If I throw a stick, will you leave?

You can find more jokes like this in the Insults category.