Location = Home > Jokes & Funny Stories > Jokes About Work > Jokes About Work - 2

Jokes About Work - 2

This is page 2 of jokes about work and employment.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Errors have been made.
Others will be blamed.

Tell me again how I'm lucky to work here..I keep forgetting.

Reward for a job well done: more work.

I work like I am paid, very little and once a month.

Performance Reviews

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Jail Vs. Work

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it. IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON...the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required. AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK...they are called managers.

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking for a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one to the left costs $500," says the storeowner. "Why so much?" asks the customer. "Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told that "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology." The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the storeowner. "$3000!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3

Here is a randomly selected joke

This trainer came up to this boxer. He said, 'Are you ready for another fight?'
The boxer said, 'Just a bout.'

You can find more jokes like this in the Jokes About Sports category.