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Jokes About Old Age

A selection of jokes about old age. For example - You know you're getting old when you have a party and the neighbors don't come round to complain about the noise.

Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You're the one calling the police because the kids next door won't turn down their stereo.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Ma, there's a man at the front door collecting for the Old Folks' Home.
Shall I give him Grandma?

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."
"Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"

Old doughnut makers never die, they just get tired of the whole business.

Old musicians never die, they just decompose.

Here is a randomly selected joke

Did you hear about the steamroller driver who ran over a biscuit? He said, 'Crumbs.'

You can find more jokes like this in the Jokes For Children category.