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Jokes About Christmas

A selection of jokes and humorous stories about Father Christmas or Santa Claus as he is often called.

I wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year,
A stocking full of presents
And a fridge full of beer.

Christmas - A holiday in which neither the past nor the future is of as much interest as the past.

I don't care who you are, get these reindeer off my roof.

Who carries a sack and bites people?
Santa Jaws

Why did Father Christmas want a garden?
So he could Ho, Ho, Ho!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells...

Why is a lion in the desert like Father Christmas?
Because it has sandy claws.

Here is a randomly selected joke

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held in the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries, "Watch out for the wall!"

You can find more jokes like this in the Jokes About Marriage category.