Location = Home > Jokes & Funny Stories > Irish Jokes

Irish Jokes

Here is our collection of Irish jokes and humor. These are what you want on Saint Patrick's Day.

This is page 1 of 2

A wealthy earl went salmon fishing in Ireland. After a fortnight without a bite he eventually hooked one small salmon. As Paddy, his ghillie, landed it, the earl said, 'Do you know, that salmon cost me two hundred pounds?' 'Ah,' said Paddy, 'aren't you the lucky man that you didn't catch two.'

An Irish decorator was painting a house and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes. 'Why are you working so fast?' he asked. 'Well, you see, sor, the paint's running low and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'

A man was walking past a building site when he was surprised to see three big Irish labourers holding hands and dancing round a hole in the ground. 'What's up?' he asked the foreman. 'Is it someone's birthday?' 'No,' said the foreman, 'it's the third anniversary of the hole.'

An Irishman took a photograph of his son to the chemist. 'I wonder,' he said, 'could you enlarge this for me?' 'Yes, certainly,' the chemist replied. 'And would it be possible for you to take his hat off for me?' 'Well, I'm sure we could do something. Yes, we could touch it up for you.' 'Oh, that's fine.' 'Tell me,' said the chemist, 'which side does your son part his hair?' The Irishman smiled. 'Oh, come on now. You'll see that when you take his hat off.'

Did you hear about the two Irish scientists who sent a rocket to the sun without any heat shields? It was alright though; they sent it up at night.

There were 3 men, one English man one Scots man and one Irish man. They were all sentenced to death by shooting so the police man took them around the back of the court to be shot. The English man was first, so he went up and waited, and the policeman said ready, aim, then the English man shouted 'blizzard'. While every one was looking for the blizzard, the man got away. So the Scots man did the same thing, except he yelled out 'duck' and he too got away. The Irish man steps up and when the policeman said ready, aim, the Irish man yelled FIRE!!!!

Submitted by : JACINTA PARKES 

Did you hear about the worst Irish aviation disaster... A light aircraft crashed into a grave yard, the police have recovered 800 bodies!

Submitted by : Phil 

Whats a 7 course meal for an Irishman?
A 6 pack and a potato.

Submitted by : tyson 

What do you call an Irish spider?
Paddy long legs.

A man goes to see a doctor. He prods himself in the arm, legs and torso with his finger, complaining that he is in agony whenever he does this. The doctor asks the man if he is Irish. "Yes," replies the man. "I thought so," said the doctor, "your finger is broken."

Page 1 | Page 2

Here is a randomly selected joke

'Tell me, young man,' said the father to his prospective son-in-law, 'if my daughter marries you, and I give her a substantial dowry, what have you to offer her in return?' 'I'll give you a receipt.'

You can find more jokes like this in the Jokes About Marriage category.