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Did You Hear - Jokes

A selection of did you hear jokes. For example, did you hear about the cement truck that crashed into the prison bus? They ended up as a bunch of hardened criminals.

Did you hear about the idiot who thought a taxidermist was someone who stuffs dead cab drivers?

Did you hear about the idiot who had arm cut off so that he could sail round the world single-handed?

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.

Did you hear about the baker who got an electric shock?
He stood on a bun and a current ran up his leg.

Did you hear about the man who had a new bath fitted in his house?
The plumber asked him, "Would you like a plug for it?
The man replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric.

Did you hear about the skeleton that was attacked by a dog?
It ran off with some bones and left him without a leg to stand on.

Did you hear about the two fat men who ran in the London Marathon?
One ran in short bursts, and the other in burst shorts.

Did you hear about the farmer who made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard-boliled eggs.

Did you hear about the extremely vain actor?
Every time he opened the fridge door and the little light came on he would bow.

What do you get if you cross a sheep-dog and a buch of daises?
A collie-flower.

You can find more jokes like this in the What Do - Jokes category.